Source: Subramanian J, Dye L, Morozov A. Rap1 Signaling Prevents L-Type Calcium Channel-Dependent Neurotransmitter Release. The Journal of Neuroscience. 2013.
I’ve been trying to write more and that feels really good.
Oh, also sorry I’ve been MIA lately, I’ve been trying to deal with my own mental health issues, I broke my foot and I’ve been studying online, not much at all but still time consuming. I’ll try my best to catch back up.
Honestly I’m a bit sceptical about this story, I would like to hear of more solid evidence but I’m no expert so read over the story and tell me what you think?
I’ve been feeling really elated of late and I know it’s not going to last. At some point in the future I will become miserable and there would not be a single thing I could do about it. And I would feel like I’m drowning; grasping at any sign that I was going to be okay. Just one sign. Then there would come a point where I know it’s futile to keep on fighting, fighting takes effort and energy, both I have long lost. So I sink lower and lower, deeper and deeper until I hit the bottom. Helpless.
And as I’m sleeping, it’s like all those terrible thoughts and feelings are tucked neatly away in another part of my brain, the part that won’t be accessible for any psychaitrist to delve into, a part of my brain for me, and me only.
I awake and I’ve been rescued, pulled from the bottom, I have been saved by joyful smiles and optimistic thoughts. I’m eager for the day. The day that partly consists of lots of energy and creativity, but then the other part, the dreaded part of my days; I feel it slowly starting to consume me, thoughts that would frighten even the most sane and stable person, are slowing starting to lurk behind me like a shadow.
And then suddenly I’m sinking; drowning once again.
Sorry it’s been awhile between posts. I’ve been studying profusely over this past week since I switched from on-campus studies to online studies. My mood has been to all over the place lately and it wasn’t productive to stay on-campus, at least now I can relax a little more and maybe that might show in my studies? I hope so.
I’ve also been busy with family; it was my aunty’s 50th birthday on Sunday and my grandma and uncle came over from New Zealand to celebrate. I haven’t seen them in years and it’ll probably be years before I see them again so I’m trying to make the most of it.
It has been decided that my brother will live with my dad for a year and they have no choice as my mother and grandmother decided that for them and you really don’t want to argue with my grandma. I think that will be the relief my mum, sister and myself desperatly need.
So that has been my week so far, considering it’s only Thursday today.
Nothing sounds better then that sound
Citation: Antidepressant Use Okay in Rapid-Cycling Bipolar Disorder? Medscape. Apr 03, 2013.
“Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its harder to give up when you know its everything you want”
I feel I’m at a crossroads in my life and I don’t know where to go or even where I should go. Opportunities are arising and none of them I want. The dreams and ambitions I have are out of reach and I do know they are. I don’t want to stop dreaming but I feel I should be sensible about my life. I’m in two minds; should I try follow my dreams at a cost of potentially ending up with nothing but broken promises to myself, a life plagued with regrets and ‘what ifs’ or should I live the sensible life, a job that allows me to live within my means even if it’s not what I truly want.
Now is decision time. now is time to decide my fate. which road should I take?